You’ve probably seen it everywhere—plastered across Instagram posts, Pinterest boards, and slapped onto candles at the checkout counter. “Positive vibes only.” “Good vibes all day, every day.” “Choose happiness!” And don’t even get me started on those pastel-colored mood boards filled with sunsets and quotes about how “everything happens for a reason.” But let’s be honest, girl… it’s starting to feel like a load of BS, right?
Here’s the tea: toxic positivity is real! And it’s sabotaging your healing process. You’re out here, trying to keep it together, telling yourself that you’re fine, that everything is sunshine and rainbows when really… you’re lowkey losing your mind. Let’s break this down.
What Is Toxic Positivity Anyway?
Well, it’s that mindset where you’re basically told to ignore any “negative” emotions and just focus on being happy all the damn time. It’s the “just look on the bright side” when your life feels like it’s crashing down, or the “be grateful” when you’re fighting to get out of bed in the morning.
Toxic positivity tells you that feeling sad, angry, or frustrated makes you weak, and if you’re not radiating “good vibes” 24/7, then you’re doing life wrong. News flash: you’re not.
The Dark Side of “Good Vibes Only”
Here’s the unfortunate truth: forcing positivity can actually make you feel worse. Instead of helping you work through your real, raw emotions, it buries them under a fake smile and a filter.
Let’s say you’re going through a breakup. You’re devastated, questioning everything, and your friend hits you with the classic, “Don’t worry, there’s someone better out there.” While that might be true, right now, you need to be allowed to feel how you feel. Masking the hurt with “good vibes” isn’t going to heal that wound—it’s going to leave it festering under the surface.
Toxic positivity basically shuts down any chance for you to process your emotions. You’re stuck feeling like something is wrong with you for not being able to “just be happy.” Experiencing a range of emotions is NORMAL! It’s what makes us human.
Self-Care ≠ Avoidance
Self-care isn’t just about bubble baths and face masks. Yeah, we all love a good skincare routine, but self-care is also about letting yourself be a mess when life calls for it. Sometimes, self-care is about crying, journaling, setting boundaries, or having tough conversations. It’s about feeling the uncomfortable stuff and working through it, not glossing it over with a dumb Instagram quote.
Real healing happens when you face your emotions, not when you run away from them with “positive vibes.” So stop faking it and start feeling it.
Here’s the Unfiltered Truth: You’re Not Supposed to Be Happy All the Time
Listen: you’re not supposed to be happy all the time. Life is messy. Sometimes, it’s stressful. Other times, it’s depressing AF. And that’s okay. There’s power in allowing yourself to feel whatever you’re feeling without trying to force a smile. In fact, you have to feel to heal.
It’s about finding balance. Yes, you can acknowledge the good things in your life, but don’t feel guilty for sulking every now and then. Sometimes you need to scream into a pillow, ugly cry, and order takeout for the second night in a row—and that doesn’t make you any less of a “positive” person.
How to Break Free from the Toxic Positivity Trap
1. Feel Your Feelings – Stop shoving your emotions to the side. Whether it’s sadness, anger, or frustration, feel it. Journal it out. Scream it out. Don’t skip over the process.
2. Call Out Toxic Positivity – If someone tries to hit you with a “just be happy” line, it’s okay to call them out. Tell them you need space to feel your feelings, not a “quick-fix” positivity quote.
3. Be Honest with Yourself – Not every day is going to be great, and that’s okay. Acknowledge when things suck, and give yourself grace to work through it.
4. Redefine Self-Care – Bubble baths are cute, but sometimes self-care is deeper. Sometimes it’s going to therapy, cutting off toxic people, or allowing yourself to rest when you’re burnt out.
Stop pretending you’re fine when you’re not. Toxic positivity is sabotage, plain and simple. So, the next time someone tells you to “just smile” when you’re down, feel free to roll your eyes and remember this: you’re allowed to feel it all. Healing isn’t linear, and it sure as hell isn’t always “positive.” Trust the process though.
You’ve got this.
With love,
Pretty Please xo
1 comment
This is so true. More people need to hear this.
It’s not fun but the best way to deal with things is to feel your feelings.